2021/01/15

This journal is from the memo I use but sometimes I write the things I can’t remember why I wrote like that. This morning I wrote, “Why do people accept his/her death naturally?”. Why? … I think this is the thing we accept physically. Our bodies accept that it can be… Like a so-called “after 5” person, we will notice if we pass a certain stage of this life. If so, I have to say I am still young and blue…

I remember… I once shouted as “I have a handicap in my brain!” in the office room. I have a handicap so I can’t work well or do the responsibility. I can’t live naturally so I am a bad person… Yes, it’s wrong. Autism is a kind of handicap but we can’t say we are more or less greater than other people by it. It’s just black people aren’t more or less beautiful than white people. We, everybody, are unique people. We shouldn’t forget it.

Oh… but it was a long way to have such a calm idea. Once I thought I was a complete victim. Why was I born an autistic person? Why can’t be I a person like this? Sometimes people say my idea is philosophical and I think it’s because I have tried to have such ideas. I was bullied because I had such strange ideas. Or I had them so I was bullied… Chickens and eggs.

Now I’m reading the book “The other side of free will”. it’s about free will and fate. Our activities are decided by fate? Or we are moving on by free will? By reading this book I can feel that life or the world is strange and wonderful. Once I thought life had ended. But it hadn’t begun at all… Now we begin the story…